so, i had thought i might have brought the tale of my taint up to date by this time. but it hasn’t happened. and tomorrow i have a second surgery. perhaps later i’ll be able to fill in all that will be done, but tonight i’m too depressed. tomorrow will consist of an enema, anesthesia, a long and deep incision, and what i’m sure will be the beginning of many days of pain. ugh.
no, it most certainly is not an allergic reaction November 6, 2007
day 5 with the pain in my taint brought me to Dr. Craptastic. the lump on my taint was now the size of a roll of quarters, which made sitting ridiculously painful, so i stood in the waiting area with tears in my eyes as the receptionists and new mothers watched me. (side-note: do only new mothers with their new babies go to the ob/gyn anymore, where were the promiscuous teenagers and middle aged women with hot flashes?) the pain was beginning to be unbearable when the nurse finally fetched me and brought me into an exam room. the second the door closed i was crying. the nurse was wonderful to me. i was no longer embarrassed by my taint, at that point i would have told anyone what the problem was if they could fix it.
and then came Craptastic himself.
to be honest, it was such a horrible experience, i’m not sure i want to relive it here. to sum it up, i told him my syptoms:
extreme pain, roll of quarters sized lump, low fever (stressing how i rarely run a fever), extreme pain
he then asked me if i had been using any new soap, detergent, or other toiletries. i replied a very adament “no”.
then he examined me. and i screamed. yes, that’s right- as he poked and prodded i yelped while trying to get away from him. by the time he was done, i was full out crying. perhaps he is used to this, maybe all his patients cry when he examines them, because he really didn’t seem that surprised by it. i got dressed and he came back in the room with a perscription for a steroid cream. he was convinced that it was an allergic reaction or that i was constipated or both. i knew as i was driving home that it wasn’t.
pain in my taint? November 5, 2007
to be honest i never thought much about the taint. now i think about that tiny little area approximately 85% of my waking hours. really that’s not a healthy amount of time to spend thinking about anything, but especially (i would say) an area that does absolutely nothing for me. i say for me because in my google research i discovered that typing in variations of “pain”, “taint” and “swollen” can result in links to some very graphic and definitely disturbing porn sites- so obviously someones getting some use out of it.
but i digress…
it all started in the middle of september. it was such a small, innocent little pain- more of a twinge really. the kind of pain you’re sure will go away in a day. it definitely did not go away in a day so i spent days two and three trying to think of how i could possibly have hurt my taint. i also researched the grown-up name to the source of my pain (perineum), so if i had to make the call to the doctor i could at least fake maturity and perhaps hide the fact that i was completely humiliated while talking to the receptionist.
that call was made on day 4. and it turns out i was in so much pain at this point that presenting myself as mature was the last thing on my mind. unfortuneately my gynocologist would be unable to see me, and the first appointment i could get was with a Dr. Craptastic (who’s actual name is suprisingly similar to my pet name for him) – but not until the next day.